Okay so it was a Tuesday. I did not kill anyone, I did not yell. I wasn’t even all that angry, probably because i was sick AF yesterday from chugging pork fat Sunday (I made carnitas, they were good, pork fat is everything, I know it was wrong). But today I was mellow.
As I go down this roads of trying to figure out why I am so fucking angry all the time I would like to take a moment to explore the bullshit that is single motherhood. Lots of people blather on about single parents, we are either or the worst – Living off the system, should have kept our legs closed, not godly (seriously wtf), left a good man, blah, blah, blah. Or the best – Look at how strong she is doing it alone.
Well fuck you. Most of us are just out here tryin to do the thing. We get no time off, no breaks, no rest, and 99% of us didn’t sign up to be single parents. Yes, I am acknowledging the single dads here too. It’s hard. There is no one to tag in at the end of the day or the middle of an argument. There is no back-up. It’s exhausting.
Yes all of this has been said a thousand times. It sucks being a single parent. But you know what, it really is a bit easier. I have full custody of my kids, I have raised them the way I see fit, with no outside interference and you know what? I did a banging job of it.
My kids are fucking awesome humans! No I am not just saying that because they’re mine. If you met them you would say the same. No they aren’t going to save the world or cure cancer but they are cool and kind, funny and smart, quirky and serious, interesting humans. I did that.
They did not get everything they ever wanted in life, far from it. I was mean to them, as all parents are. Their other parent was not around a lot but tried. I spent more time trying to raise them right than I did trying to sticking it to my ex. That’s why they are only moderately nuts and can function. They are reasonably good people and will continue to be good adults. Really all they missed out on was a little more money and parents fighting at home.
I think we all over think this parenting thing. It isn’t hard, don’t be an asshole to your kids and don’t let them be assholes to you. Be supportive, but let them fail. Afterall, you are not raising children, but adults. they aren’t going to need you forever so you better prepare them for the world.
I’m not sure why I’m thinking about them tonight. Perhaps it’s the struggles I see two parent families facing currently, knowing that they’re not doing any better than I did at this gig. It’s all just smoke and mirrors, everyone is putting their best foot forward, putting on that brave face. Being a parent is hard.
I’m not angry these days that I was, and still am, a single mother. I am angry about the few years I wasted being angry that I was a single mother. I am angry about how I was looked at in society when I needed Medicaid or food stamps to make ends meet because absent parent wasn’t paying their part. Those years sucked. But now? I’m 41 and I don’t fucking care. I did the thing. Wanna be judgy? You can pound sand…
I am thankful that I had full responsibility of these kids because when they step out into the world and amaze people, I get a little credit for helping them become exactly who they are. Those who have never walked it alone, have never been the single parent, have never been completely in charge, have no business giving any advice to or passing judgement on those of us who live(d) it.
